Encouragement News Journal
I am writing a news journal to encourage my sisters and brothers in Christ. I published my first book called Bible Truth Warrior Daughter in Christ. You can find my book on Amazon, iTunes, Barnes and Noble and you can get it on e-book.
If You Were Raised by a Narcissist
If you’ve been on the internet lately, you’ve probably seen the term “narcissist” thrown around. It’s become a common label used to describe toxic traits and behaviors, often in the context of romantic relationships.
You may think of the classic love-bombing, manipulative cheater or the arrogant, entitled spouse who is always right.
Another type of relationship that’s often plagued by narcissism is the one between a parent and child. The narcissistic parent is often depicted in a film, such as Faye Dunaway’s role in “Mommie Dearest.”
Narcissistic parents can shape the entire family dynamic and have a lasting impact on a child’s wellbeing. However, children of narcissists may not realize this until they’re struggling with the effects years or decades later.
How can you tell if a parent was a narcissist?
· Having unreasonable expectations
· Being unable to understand children’s feelings
- Being obsessed with their family’s appearance
- Not respecting child’s boundaries
- Giving love conditionally based on a child’s ability to perform or meet their expectations
Narcissistic parents often use enmeshment to control children. It’s communicated in a million ways that the child doesn’t get to be separate from the parent, so the child having a need or a want that’s different would be selfish.
They often put themselves first. There’s no awareness, no attunement to their child. Children may feel responsible for their parent’s happiness, at the cost of their own desires and dreams.
If a child shows emotions that evoke shame in the parent, they are often viewed as a “bad kid.” They may blame one child for everything the “scapegoat” or pit children against each other.
Narcissistic parents also weaponize guilt. “Even if they don’t say it directly, they’ll say, ‘you owe me.”
“Narcissistic parents view themselves as special or perfect, and they expect that from their children.” Errors are often not tolerated, and when errors do happen, the parent may become verbally abusive or give the silent treatment.
Generally, narcissistic parents lack empathy, but they can also be inconsistent with love. A narcissistic parent may have mostly bad days but one good day when they show glimpses of warmth and attention, which a child often holds onto.
Due to the appearance-obsessed nature of narcissists, this dysfunction isn’t always obvious.
Narcissistic relationships are also on a spectrum. At the most severe level, there’s violence and abuse. “Most people are at the moderate-to-mild end … but it’s still incredibly invalidating.”
Being Raised by a Narcissist
Growing up with a narcissistic parent or caregiver can significantly affect a person’s development, mental health and behavior in childhood and adulthood.
“The child doesn’t have options. They have to attach to their parents for survival. This is also who feeds them and houses them and who is meant to make them feel emotionally safe.”
In order to maintain that attachment, children will learn to modify themselves, which can impact self-esteem.
Never Feeling Good Enough
The sign that a person was raised by a narcissist is chronically feeling like they are “not enough.” “I haven’t done enough. I didn’t try hard enough. I didn’t give enough.”
Other parenting styles or childhood trauma can also cause a person to feel this way, But “I think there’s something unique about the child with a narcissistic parent, because the myth sold to the child is that there’s always something they can do that would be enough.”
During adulthood, this may manifest as perfectionism, self-doubt, shame and imposter syndrome. “They’re always peddling faster and faster it seems.” “You (think) you have to earn love. You have to earn validation. You have to earn being seen.”
They may struggle to set boundaries or become codependent people-pleasers because they’re used to sacrificing themselves for a narcissistic parent.
Another telltale sign a person was raised by a narcissist is difficulty expressing needs, wants or aspirations, that it’s because they were made to feel ungrateful or selfish when they did.
Inconsistent reactions from the narcissistic parent, like rage or emotional abandonment, also create anxiety. Yelling at a child is terrible. Withdrawing and withholding from a child is worse. These children become adults who fear speaking up. They feel like they don’t have a voice. I have found that I finally have a voice through Yeshua (Jesus).
They think, “I better not share what I need or I’m going to lose my partner, or if I try to negotiate for a higher salary, this person won’t hire me, or if I say how I’m feeling people, will think I’m overly sensitive and dramatic.”
What to Do if You Think Your Parent is a Narcissist
First, always consult a mental health professional if you have concerns.
Generally, the first step is acknowledging the parent’s narcissistic behavior. What they did wasn’t OK, and it hurt you.
Some children may struggle and feel disloyal, especially if the narcissistic parent had a difficult past, such as trauma.
Healing can look different for everyone. It may involve therapy, support groups and lifestyle changes.
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach for dealing with a narcissistic parent. Some people may not engage at all or limit communication, whereas others adopt coping strategies because they still live with their parents, for example.
The parent may never apologize or change, but you can control your reactions and set healthy boundaries on yourself.
Finally, it’s important to practice self-care, you deserve it. I know it might take some time to realize that your Savior, Yeshua can and is working in you.
EVENTS
- Book Signing on September 19th at 3-5pm at the Salkum Library
- Book Signing on September 26th at 12:30-3pm at the Centralia Library
- Book Signing on September 27th at 2-5pm at the Randle Library
- Book Signing on October 10th at 2-5pm at Shelton Library
- Book Signing on October 22nd at 3-6pm at Salkum Library
- I’m teaching at the Centralia Community College for the Fall quarter.
If you’re interested sign up to the class on the college website.
Starting on October 4th at 10-1pm. My other classes are on Oct. 11th, Oct. 18th, Oct. 25th, Nov. 1st, Nov. 8th, Nov. 15th, Nov. 22nd and the last class will be on Nov. 29th.
These classes will be on How to Make Shower Scrubs, and my other class is on How to Make Massage Oils of your own.
HOW TO FIND ME
I will let you know when more book signings are going on. I can be found on Spotify, my podcast (bibletruthwarriorwomen.com) also on Riverside. FM, my Blog called (bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com)
My news articles can be found on (carmenhansen@substack.com)
Life Coaching site to schedule an appointment with me on (paperbell.me/bible-truth-warrior-women-life- coach).
You can find me on (christianfaithpublishing.com), on my Author page to buy my book or read my Press Release.
MY SOCIAL MEDIA SITES
Facebook, Instagram, Telegram and Linked in.
BIBLE TEACHING CLASSES
Please Check them out. They have helped me get through this process of stepping out and being bold in Christ. I enjoy Women of Faith classes, Proverb 31 Women classes.
LIST OF MY BUSINESSES
- Carmen’s Visual Effects store #1 and #2 on my Blog at (bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com) I make all kinds of body products such as body butter, massage oils, body scrubs, lip and cuticle butter with mango butter etc.
There is a way to buy the body products online or call me to buy. Take a look if you’d like. It’s always good to care for yourself.
- You can find my Artwork in card form on my Blog called (bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com)
- I take photos of nature and animals. I’ve been doing this business for a long time now. I am a birder.
- I am a Certified Life Coach. Bible Truth Warrior Women Life Coaching. Call me on 360-880-4217 or on my email at writercarmenhansen@bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com).
My first book published is called:
- Bible Truth Warrior Daughter in Christ. I am selling my book independently.
I am praying for you all! Thank you for subscribing to my news journal. I hope that it will encourage you to know you’re not alone.
Bible Truth Warrior Devotionals 