Encouragement News Journal

I am writing a news journal to encourage my sisters and brothers in Christ. I published my first book called Bible Truth Warrior Daughter in Christ. You can find my book on Amazon, iTunes, Barnes and Noble and you can get them on e-book.

Resolving Arguments

Humans are social beings, and we are affected by our relationships with others. Arguing with the people close to us can really upset our equilibrium.

It is impossible to interact with others and not ever be irritated or opposed to what they are doing or saying. I am not suggesting that you should try to avoid conflict at all costs because pushing down our feelings to avoid upset isn’t a good strategy in the long run. It just leads to resentment and feelings of powerlessness. Instead, use these simple steps to argue effectively so both your needs get met and the issue is resolved in Yeshua’s name.

 Steps to Remember When Dealing With Conflict.

Step 1. Stay Calm.

Before you try to discuss an issue make sure you are calm. If you are talking in an angry voice, being sarcastic or shouting, your listener is too busy defending themselves and probably getting angry right back at you to listen to what you are trying to say. Remember, we are not trying to beat them into submission with angry words, we want to get rid of the fight or argument!

You have probably heard of the Fight or Flight response. When we get angry (or worry or become anxious) adrenaline floods though our body to gear us up to either run away or fight.

You might notice:

• An increase in heart rate
• Your breathing speeds up
• Muscles feel tense
• You feel hot and maybe sweaty
• Butterflies or muscle tensing in your stomach
• Very important * Your thoughts race so you can’t think straight

The way to reduce the effects of adrenaline by is taking a time out and do deep breathing. Basically, deep breathing and adrenaline can’t co-exist in the same body.

Remember no one can have a productive conversation when they are angry and worked up!

Step 2. Listen & Be Heard

Talk in a way that the other person can really hear you otherwise you might just as well talk to the wall. Also, even though you might think you are in the right, be prepared to listen and compromise.

One of the most useful techniques my marriage counselor told us to do is walk away to cool off and then come back together to try to talk it out. Then pray to Yeshua about it and trust He will help both of you to understand each other better. Depend on Yahweh totally.  

A: When you are late home and don’t call me to let me know I worry that something has happened to you and feel angry that you don’t think I’m important enough to bother calling.

B: You want me to let you know where I am all the time and you worry when I am out of your sight.

A: No, I want you to call to let me know if you are running late when you know I am waiting for you as I don’t start other things or go out because I think you are going to be back any minute. When you are very late, I start imagining you are in an accident. Try to be respectful to one another.

B: When you are waiting for me and I am running late you would like me to call or text you so you can decide to do something else and not worry that something terrible has happened to me.

A: Yes.

Why is this step important? Arguments often go on and on, with no one listening to what the other is saying because we both want to be heard and the point gets lost. You can’t problem solve if you don’t really understand the problem.

Step 3. Problem Solving

Most relationship arguments are variations of the same old problem and because people never come up with a specific agreement of how to resolve anything, the same problem comes up again and again at different times.

So how do you problem solve? This technique is useful for relationship conflict but is also effective in working out a problem you might be wrestling with yourself.

Identify the problem

It doesn’t matter how silly a solution may sound, throw it in there, be creative and come up with as many experimental solutions you can between you. Next weed out the suggestions that neither of you are unwilling to try or are impractical. You will hopefully be left with 3 – 5 possible solutions.

Think of the likely outcome for each possible solution.

Here’s an example:

The Problem:

Both Suzy and Tom work outside of the home yet Suzy feels she has more responsibility for their children and is doing most of the chores inside the home too. This is making her tired, irritable and resentful. Tom argues he works longer hours and would love to see more of the kids, but his weekend is taken up with the yard, house and running the kids around to sports activities.

The Issue:

Tom & Suzy both feel overwhelmed, too busy, tired and cranky.

Possible Solutions:

They could hire a housekeeper to come twice a week and a landscaper for the yard.

They could cut back on the kids’ activities.

They could work less.

Tom could come home early to help more in the evenings.

They could order in a meal service.

The list could go on and on with many possibilities….

The goal of using these 3 steps is to propose a better way to deal with something that isn’t working for you now. It will usually involve a compromise to get to a solution where you both feel you are winning in some way.

By tackling disagreements in a good way though you can get rid of the fight rather than beating down on your loved one until only you “win”.

There are many other ways to improve relationships, but these 3 simple steps can help you resolve conflict without one person feeling they have given in to the other which in the end breeds resentment.

The steps work well with couples but are also effective with conflict issues between family members too. It can be simplified so even young children can understand the concepts. They are particularly useful for resolving parent/teen arguments as everyone wants to be heard and for their needs to be met.

                        EVENTS

I have no Book Signings scheduled for now. I have my books locally at Books and Brush Bookstore.

1. I’m teaching at the Centralia Community   College for the Spring Quarter.

If you’re interested sign up to the class on the college website. Starting in April.

These classes will be on How to Make Shower Scrubs, and my other class is on How to Make Massage Oils of your own.

              HOW TO FIND ME

I will let you know when more book signings are going on. I can be found on Spotify, my podcast (bibletruthwarriorwomen.com)

also, on Riverside. FM, my Blog called (bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com)

My news articles can be found on carmenhansen.substack.com

Life Coaching take a look on my blog, to schedule an appointment with me call me at 360-880-4217 or on my email at writercarmenhansen@bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com

You can find me on (christianfaithpublishing.com), on my Author page to buy my book or read my Press Release.

My book is available for purchase on Amazon, I tunes, eBooks, Barnes and Noble and in Chehalis at Book and Brush Bookstore.

            MY SOCIAL MEDIA SITES

Facebook, Instagram, Telegram and Linked in, Riverside.fm.

Find me as Carmen Hansen or Carmella.

              BIBLE TEACHING CLASSES

Please Check them out. They have helped me get through this process of stepping out and being bold in Christ. I enjoy Women of Faith classes, Proverb 31 Women writing classes.

            LIST OF MY BUSINESSES

1. Carmen’s Visual Effects store #1 and #2 on my Blog at (bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com) I make all kinds of body products such as body butters, massage oils, body scrubs, lip and cuticle butter with mango butter etc.

There is a way to buy my body products online or call me to buy. Take a look if you’d like. It’s always good to care for yourself.

• You can find my Artwork in card form on my Blog called (bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com)
• I take photos of Nature and Animals. I’ve been doing this business for a long time now. I am a Birder.
•  I am a Certified Life Coach. Bible Truth Warrior Women Life Coaching. Call me on 360-880-4217 or on my email at writercarmenhansen@bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com).

My first book published is called:

• Bible Truth Warrior Daughter in Christ. I am selling my book independently.

I am praying for you all! Thank you for subscribing to my news journal. I hope that it will encourage you to know you’re not alone.