Tag: mental-health

 ALL MIGHTY MONDAY

Carmen HansenLeave a comment

     Encouragement News Journal

I am writing a news journal to encourage my sisters and brothers in Christ. I published my first book called Bible Truth Warrior Daughter in Christ. You can find my book on Amazon, iTunes, Barnes and Noble and you can get them on e-book.

Resolving Arguments

Humans are social beings, and we are affected by our relationships with others. Arguing with the people close to us can really upset our equilibrium.

It is impossible to interact with others and not ever be irritated or opposed to what they are doing or saying. I am not suggesting that you should try to avoid conflict at all costs because pushing down our feelings to avoid upset isn’t a good strategy in the long run. It just leads to resentment and feelings of powerlessness. Instead, use these simple steps to argue effectively so both your needs get met and the issue is resolved in Yeshua’s name.

 Steps to Remember When Dealing With Conflict.

Step 1. Stay Calm.

Before you try to discuss an issue make sure you are calm. If you are talking in an angry voice, being sarcastic or shouting, your listener is too busy defending themselves and probably getting angry right back at you to listen to what you are trying to say. Remember, we are not trying to beat them into submission with angry words, we want to get rid of the fight or argument!

You have probably heard of the Fight or Flight response. When we get angry (or worry or become anxious) adrenaline floods though our body to gear us up to either run away or fight.

You might notice:

• An increase in heart rate
• Your breathing speeds up
• Muscles feel tense
• You feel hot and maybe sweaty
• Butterflies or muscle tensing in your stomach
• Very important * Your thoughts race so you can’t think straight

The way to reduce the effects of adrenaline by is taking a time out and do deep breathing. Basically, deep breathing and adrenaline can’t co-exist in the same body.

Remember no one can have a productive conversation when they are angry and worked up!

Step 2. Listen & Be Heard

Talk in a way that the other person can really hear you otherwise you might just as well talk to the wall. Also, even though you might think you are in the right, be prepared to listen and compromise.

One of the most useful techniques my marriage counselor told us to do is walk away to cool off and then come back together to try to talk it out. Then pray to Yeshua about it and trust He will help both of you to understand each other better. Depend on Yahweh totally.  

A: When you are late home and don’t call me to let me know I worry that something has happened to you and feel angry that you don’t think I’m important enough to bother calling.

B: You want me to let you know where I am all the time and you worry when I am out of your sight.

A: No, I want you to call to let me know if you are running late when you know I am waiting for you as I don’t start other things or go out because I think you are going to be back any minute. When you are very late, I start imagining you are in an accident. Try to be respectful to one another.

B: When you are waiting for me and I am running late you would like me to call or text you so you can decide to do something else and not worry that something terrible has happened to me.

A: Yes.

Why is this step important? Arguments often go on and on, with no one listening to what the other is saying because we both want to be heard and the point gets lost. You can’t problem solve if you don’t really understand the problem.

Step 3. Problem Solving

Most relationship arguments are variations of the same old problem and because people never come up with a specific agreement of how to resolve anything, the same problem comes up again and again at different times.

So how do you problem solve? This technique is useful for relationship conflict but is also effective in working out a problem you might be wrestling with yourself.

Identify the problem

It doesn’t matter how silly a solution may sound, throw it in there, be creative and come up with as many experimental solutions you can between you. Next weed out the suggestions that neither of you are unwilling to try or are impractical. You will hopefully be left with 3 – 5 possible solutions.

Think of the likely outcome for each possible solution.

Here’s an example:

The Problem:

Both Suzy and Tom work outside of the home yet Suzy feels she has more responsibility for their children and is doing most of the chores inside the home too. This is making her tired, irritable and resentful. Tom argues he works longer hours and would love to see more of the kids, but his weekend is taken up with the yard, house and running the kids around to sports activities.

The Issue:

Tom & Suzy both feel overwhelmed, too busy, tired and cranky.

Possible Solutions:

They could hire a housekeeper to come twice a week and a landscaper for the yard.

They could cut back on the kids’ activities.

They could work less.

Tom could come home early to help more in the evenings.

They could order in a meal service.

The list could go on and on with many possibilities….

The goal of using these 3 steps is to propose a better way to deal with something that isn’t working for you now. It will usually involve a compromise to get to a solution where you both feel you are winning in some way.

By tackling disagreements in a good way though you can get rid of the fight rather than beating down on your loved one until only you “win”.

There are many other ways to improve relationships, but these 3 simple steps can help you resolve conflict without one person feeling they have given in to the other which in the end breeds resentment.

The steps work well with couples but are also effective with conflict issues between family members too. It can be simplified so even young children can understand the concepts. They are particularly useful for resolving parent/teen arguments as everyone wants to be heard and for their needs to be met.

                        EVENTS

I have no Book Signings scheduled for now. I have my books locally at Books and Brush Bookstore.

  1. I’m teaching at the Centralia Community   College for the Spring Quarter.

If you’re interested sign up to the class on the college website. Starting in April.

These classes will be on How to Make Shower Scrubs, and my other class is on How to Make Massage Oils of your own.

              HOW TO FIND ME

I will let you know when more book signings are going on. I can be found on Spotify, my podcast (bibletruthwarriorwomen.com)

also, on Riverside. FM, my Blog called (bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com)

My news articles can be found on carmenhansen.substack.com

Life Coaching take a look on my blog, to schedule an appointment with me call me at 360-880-4217 or on my email at writercarmenhansen@bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com

You can find me on (christianfaithpublishing.com), on my Author page to buy my book or read my Press Release.

My book is available for purchase on Amazon, I tunes, eBooks, Barnes and Noble and in Chehalis at Book and Brush Bookstore.

            MY SOCIAL MEDIA SITES

Facebook, Instagram, Telegram and Linked in, Riverside.fm.

Find me as Carmen Hansen or Carmella.

              BIBLE TEACHING CLASSES

Please Check them out. They have helped me get through this process of stepping out and being bold in Christ. I enjoy Women of Faith classes, Proverb 31 Women writing classes.

            LIST OF MY BUSINESSES

  1. Carmen’s Visual Effects store #1 and #2 on my Blog at (bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com) I make all kinds of body products such as body butters, massage oils, body scrubs, lip and cuticle butter with mango butter etc.

There is a way to buy my body products online or call me to buy. Take a look if you’d like. It’s always good to care for yourself.

  • You can find my Artwork in card form on my Blog called (bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com)
  • I take photos of Nature and Animals. I’ve been doing this business for a long time now. I am a Birder.
  •  I am a Certified Life Coach. Bible Truth Warrior Women Life Coaching. Call me on 360-880-4217 or on my email at writercarmenhansen@bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com).

My first book published is called:

  • Bible Truth Warrior Daughter in Christ. I am selling my book independently.

I am praying for you all! Thank you for subscribing to my news journal. I hope that it will encourage you to know you’re not alone.

ALL MIGHTY MONDAY

Carmen HansenLeave a comment

            Encouragement News Journal

I am writing a news journal to encourage my sisters and brothers in Christ. I published my first book called Bible Truth Warrior Daughter in Christ. You can find my book on Amazon, iTunes, Barnes and Noble and you can get it on e-book.

If You Were Raised by a Narcissist

If you’ve been on the internet lately, you’ve probably seen the term “narcissist” thrown around. It’s become a common label used to describe toxic traits and behaviors, often in the context of romantic relationships.

You may think of the classic love-bombing, manipulative cheater or the arrogant, entitled spouse who is always right.

Another type of relationship that’s often plagued by narcissism is the one between a parent and child. The narcissistic parent is often depicted in a film, such as Faye Dunaway’s role in “Mommie Dearest.”

Narcissistic parents can shape the entire family dynamic and have a lasting impact on a child’s wellbeing. However, children of narcissists may not realize this until they’re struggling with the effects years or decades later.

How can you tell if a parent was a narcissist?

· Having unreasonable expectations

· Being unable to understand children’s feelings

  • Being obsessed with their family’s appearance
  • Not respecting child’s boundaries
  • Giving love conditionally based on a child’s ability to perform or meet their expectations

Narcissistic parents often use enmeshment to control children. It’s communicated in a million ways that the child doesn’t get to be separate from the parent, so the child having a need or a want that’s different would be selfish.

They often put themselves first. There’s no awareness, no attunement to their child. Children may feel responsible for their parent’s happiness, at the cost of their own desires and dreams.

If a child shows emotions that evoke shame in the parent, they are often viewed as a “bad kid.” They may blame one child for everything the “scapegoat” or pit children against each other.

Narcissistic parents also weaponize guilt. “Even if they don’t say it directly, they’ll say, ‘you owe me.”

“Narcissistic parents view themselves as special or perfect, and they expect that from their children.” Errors are often not tolerated, and when errors do happen, the parent may become verbally abusive or give the silent treatment.

Generally, narcissistic parents lack empathy, but they can also be inconsistent with love. A narcissistic parent may have mostly bad days but one good day when they show glimpses of warmth and attention, which a child often holds onto.

Due to the appearance-obsessed nature of narcissists, this dysfunction isn’t always obvious.

Narcissistic relationships are also on a spectrum. At the most severe level, there’s violence and abuse. “Most people are at the moderate-to-mild end … but it’s still incredibly invalidating.”

Being Raised by a Narcissist

Growing up with a narcissistic parent or caregiver can significantly affect a person’s development, mental health and behavior in childhood and adulthood.

“The child doesn’t have options. They have to attach to their parents for survival. This is also who feeds them and houses them and who is meant to make them feel emotionally safe.”

In order to maintain that attachment, children will learn to modify themselves, which can impact self-esteem.

Never Feeling Good Enough

The sign that a person was raised by a narcissist is chronically feeling like they are “not enough.” “I haven’t done enough. I didn’t try hard enough. I didn’t give enough.”

Other parenting styles or childhood trauma can also cause a person to feel this way, But “I think there’s something unique about the child with a narcissistic parent, because the myth sold to the child is that there’s always something they can do that would be enough.”

During adulthood, this may manifest as perfectionism, self-doubt, shame and imposter syndrome. “They’re always peddling faster and faster it seems.” “You (think) you have to earn love. You have to earn validation. You have to earn being seen.”

They may struggle to set boundaries or become codependent people-pleasers because they’re used to sacrificing themselves for a narcissistic parent.

Another telltale sign a person was raised by a narcissist is difficulty expressing needs, wants or aspirations, that it’s because they were made to feel ungrateful or selfish when they did.

Inconsistent reactions from the narcissistic parent, like rage or emotional abandonment, also create anxiety. Yelling at a child is terrible. Withdrawing and withholding from a child is worse. These children become adults who fear speaking up. They feel like they don’t have a voice. I have found that I finally have a voice through Yeshua (Jesus).

They think, “I better not share what I need or I’m going to lose my partner, or if I try to negotiate for a higher salary, this person won’t hire me, or if I say how I’m feeling people, will think I’m overly sensitive and dramatic.”

What to Do if You Think Your Parent is a Narcissist

First, always consult a mental health professional if you have concerns.

Generally, the first step is acknowledging the parent’s narcissistic behavior. What they did wasn’t OK, and it hurt you.

Some children may struggle and feel disloyal, especially if the narcissistic parent had a difficult past, such as trauma.

Healing can look different for everyone. It may involve therapy, support groups and lifestyle changes.

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach for dealing with a narcissistic parent. Some people may not engage at all or limit communication, whereas others adopt coping strategies because they still live with their parents, for example.

The parent may never apologize or change, but you can control your reactions and set healthy boundaries on yourself.

Finally, it’s important to practice self-care, you deserve it. I know it might take some time to realize that your Savior, Yeshua can and is working in you.

                               EVENTS

  1. Book Signing on September 19th at 3-5pm at the Salkum Library
  • Book Signing on September 26th at 12:30-3pm at the Centralia Library
  • Book Signing on September 27th at 2-5pm at the Randle Library
  • Book Signing on October 10th at 2-5pm at Shelton Library
  • Book Signing on October 22nd at 3-6pm at Salkum Library
  • I’m teaching at the Centralia Community   College for the Fall quarter.

If you’re interested sign up to the class on the college website.

Starting on October 4th at 10-1pm. My other classes are on Oct. 11th, Oct. 18th, Oct. 25th, Nov. 1st, Nov. 8th, Nov. 15th, Nov. 22nd and the last class will be on Nov. 29th.

These classes will be on How to Make Shower Scrubs, and my other class is on How to Make Massage Oils of your own.

                  HOW TO FIND ME

I will let you know when more book signings are going on. I can be found on Spotify, my podcast (bibletruthwarriorwomen.com) also on Riverside. FM, my Blog called (bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com)

My news articles can be found on (carmenhansen@substack.com)

Life Coaching site to schedule an appointment with me on (paperbell.me/bible-truth-warrior-women-life- coach).

You can find me on (christianfaithpublishing.com), on my Author page to buy my book or read my Press Release.

             MY SOCIAL MEDIA SITES

Facebook, Instagram, Telegram and Linked in.

            BIBLE TEACHING CLASSES

Please Check them out. They have helped me get through this process of stepping out and being bold in Christ. I enjoy Women of Faith classes, Proverb 31 Women classes.

              LIST OF MY BUSINESSES

  1. Carmen’s Visual Effects store #1 and #2 on my Blog at (bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com) I make all kinds of body products such as body butter, massage oils, body scrubs, lip and cuticle butter with mango butter etc.

There is a way to buy the body products online or call me to buy. Take a look if you’d like. It’s always good to care for yourself.

  • You can find my Artwork in card form on my Blog called (bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com)
  • I take photos of nature and animals. I’ve been doing this business for a long time now. I am a birder.
  •  I am a Certified Life Coach. Bible Truth Warrior Women Life Coaching. Call me on 360-880-4217 or on my email at writercarmenhansen@bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com).

My first book published is called:

  • Bible Truth Warrior Daughter in Christ. I am selling my book independently.

I am praying for you all! Thank you for subscribing to my news journal. I hope that it will encourage you to know you’re not alone.

ALL MIGHTY MONDAY

Carmen HansenLeave a comment

Encouragement News Journal

I am starting a newsletter to encourage my sisters in Christ. I published my first book called Bible Truth Warrior Daughter in Christ. You gals can find my book on Amazon, iTunes, Barnes and Noble and you can get it on e- book.

Calm Phrases That Shut Down Rude People

If you’ve ever dealt with someone so rude that it caught you off guard, you’ll know how frustrating and harmful it can be. But you don’t have to match someone’s bad attitude to make your point. These phrases are like secret weapons, they’re polite, to the point, and they shut down disrespect fast.

  1. “Let’s keep this respectful”

Nobody likes being talked down to. This phrase is a way of calling it out without getting aggressive. It signals that the tone of the conversation isn’t okay and that you expect better. Saying it with a calm, steady voice lets you take charge without creating more tension. People often rethink their tone when you show them where the line is.

  • “I’m not comfortable with that”

There’s something incredibly grounding about expressing how you feel in a direct way. You’re not pointing fingers; you’re simply stating your own boundary. That’s what makes this phrase effective. It can be used in so many situations, and it gives you a clear out without needing to explain yourself. Most people don’t push further after hearing this because it’s so neutral but firm.

  • “Let’s take a step back”

Things can get heated quickly when someone’s being rude, and it’s easy to get pulled into it. Using this phrase lets you pause the moment and create a little breathing room. It puts space between you and the other person’s behavior without needing to argue or defend yourself.

In group situations, it can also help others recognize that something’s off. You’re basically saying, “Hold up,” but in a calm, grown-up way that invites reflection instead of conflict.

  • “I’d rather not continue this right now”

Sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away. This phrase gives you a polite exit without escalating the situation. It’s a clear signal that you’re not interested in arguing or taking on someone else’s negativity. By removing yourself, you take away their audience. It works especially well when someone’s trying to provoke a reaction.

  • “That didn’t sit right with me”

It might not seem like much, but this simple sentence packs a punch. It points out that something felt off, without sounding aggressive or accusing. It makes the other person reflect on what they said or did and usually softens the energy immediately. You’re not calling them names you’re calling attention to your reaction.

  • “I’m not okay with being spoken to like that”

You deserve to be treated with respect, plain and simple. If someone’s tone or words are crossing a line, this phrase spells it out. It leaves no room for guessing. Sometimes people test your boundaries just to see what you’ll tolerate. This is how you show them your limit. Keep your tone calm and confident, and you’ll be surprised how quickly people back down when they realize you’re not afraid to speak up.

  • “We can revisit this when things cool down”

Disagreements happen, but rudeness shouldn’t be part of the deal. If someone’s getting out of hand, you can press pause with this line. It doesn’t shut the door it just says, “Not like this.” You’re showing maturity and patience without letting them walk all over you.

  • “That’s not something I’m going to engage with”

Not everything needs a reaction. When someone’s clearly trying to get under your skin, this phrase stops them cold. It tells them you’re not here to entertain drama or disrespect. No yelling, no back-and-forth, just a clear refusal to take the bait. It works particularly well in text or email, too.

  • “You’re entitled to your opinion, but I disagree.”

Not every rude comment needs a comeback. Sometimes a simple statement like this is enough. It shuts down any attempt to bait you into an argument while keeping the door closed to further disrespect.

You’re making it clear that you won’t be swayed or silenced, but you’re not stooping to their level either. This is a great phrase when someone’s being snide, condescending, or just plain mean in a discussion.

  1. “Please don’t speak to me like that”

It’s direct. It’s clear. And it gets the job done. You’re not asking for permission, you’re stating your boundary. This phrase is especially useful when someone is raising their voice or using a nasty tone. By calmly saying this, you take the spotlight off their anger and put it on your expectation for basic decency.

  1. “I’m going to step away for a minute”

Instead of lashing out, try removing yourself from the situation. This phrase is a calm way to protect your peace without causing more tension. You’re not storming off, you’re just choosing space over conflict. It also gives the other person time to reflect on their behavior, and sometimes that’s all it takes for things to settle.

  1. “Let’s try to stay focused on the issue”

Rude people often veer off-topic to stir up drama or make things personal. Bring things back to center with this line. It reminds everyone what matters and makes it harder for the other person to keep up the behavior without looking petty. You’re not dismissing the person you’re just redirecting the energy to something productive.

  1. “That’s not appropriate”

Sometimes the quickest way to shut down rudeness is to name it. This phrase cuts through the noise without adding any fuel. It works especially well when someone says something offensive or out of line in a group setting. Saying it firmly, without emotion, puts the pressure back on them to rethink their words.

  1. “Let’s not go there”

Some people love to stir the pot, especially when it comes to touchy topics. This phrase gives you a smooth way to shut that down before it starts. You’re not asking for a debate, you’re signaling that you won’t participate. This works really well for rude jokes, passive-aggressive remarks, or loaded questions.

  1. “I think we need a break from this conversation”

When things get tense and unproductive, this phrase steps in like a timeout. It’s a healthy boundary that says, “This isn’t working.” Instead of getting pulled into someone else’s chaos, you’re choosing peace.

It also opens the door for a more respectful discussion later if you even want one. You’re not walking away forever, but you are choosing when and how to engage.

  1. “I hear you, but that was uncalled for”

Rudeness disguised as honesty is still rudeness. This phrase acknowledges the other person’s words without letting them off the hook for being disrespectful. It gives you a chance to keep the conversation going if needed, while still holding your boundary. Sometimes people don’t realize their tone or word choice was hurtful until you name it.

  1. We can continue this when you’re ready to be respectful”

When someone’s being difficult, this line draws a clear line in the sand. You’re open to continuing the conversation but only under the right conditions. This keeps the power in your hands without creating unnecessary tension. It’s especially helpful when someone’s being rude in a discussion that actually matters, like a work issue or a family situation.

EVENTS

  1. Book Signing on September 19th at 3-5pm at the Salkum Library
  2. Book Signing on September 20th at 10am-1pm at the Shelton Library
  3. Book Signing on September 25th at 12:30-2:30pm at the Lacey Library
  4. Book Signing on September 26th at 12:30-3pm at the Centralia Library
  5. Book Signing on September 27th at 2-5pm at the Randle Library
  6. Book Signing October 2nd at Noon-3pm at the Olympia Library
  7. Book Signing October 3rd at 2-5pm at the Elma Library
  8. Book Signing October 7th at 1:30pm-5pm at the Raymond Library
  9. Book Signing October 9th at 11am-2pm at the Chehalis Library
  10. I’m teaching at the Centralia Community College for the Fall quarter. If your interested sign up to the class on the college website. Starting on October 4th at 10-1pm. My other classes are Oct. 11th, Oct. 18th, Oct. 25th, Nov. 1st, Nov. 8th, Nov. 15th, Nov. 22nd and the last class will be on Nov. 29th. These classes will be on How to make Shower Scrubs, and my other class is on How to make Massage Oils of your own.

              HOW TO FIND ME

I will let you know when more book signings are going on.

I can be found on Spotify, my podcast (bibletruthwarriorwomen.com) also on Riverside. FM, my Blog called (bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com) My news articles can be found on (carmenhansen@substack.com), Life Coaching site to schedule an appointment with me on (paperbell.me/bible-truth-warrior-women-life- coach). You can find me on (christianfaithpublishing.com), on my Author page to buy my book or read my Press Release.

          MY SOCIAL MEDIA SITES

On Facebook, Instagram, Telegram and Linked in.

        BIBLE TEACHING CLASSES

Please Check them out. They have helped me get through this process of stepping out and be bold in Christ. I enjoy Women of Faith classes, Proverb 31 Women classes.

          LIST OF MY BUSINESSES

  1. Carmen’s Visual Effects store #1 and #2 on my Blog at (bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com). I make all kinds of body products such as body butter, massage oils, body scrubs, lip and cuticle butter with mango butter etc.

There is a way to buy the body products online or call me to buy. Take a look if you’d like. It’s always good to care for yourself.

  • You can find my Artwork in card form on my Blog called (bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com).
  • I take photos of nature and animals. I’ve been doing this business for a long time now. I am a birder.

Check out my new platform online called (paperbell.me/bible-truth-warrior-women-life-coach.com).

  • Bible Truth Warrior Daughter in Christ Book. I am selling my first book independently.

I am praying for you all! Thank you for subscribing to my newsletter. I hope that it will encourage you to know you’re not alone.