Encouragement News Journal

I am writing a news journal to encourage my sisters and brothers in Christ. I published my first book called Bible Truth Warrior Daughter in Christ. You can find my book on Amazon, iTunes, Barnes and Noble and you can get them on e-book.

I’m a Relationship Coach, and These Are the Habits That Quietly Sabotage Love, I’ve Found

 

What to avoid if you want a healthy relationship.

Takeaways

• Pick one relationship habit to work on today. Give that behavior the space and gentleness you need to rewrite that particular groove. Maybe it’s not assuming the worst when your date or your husband doesn’t text you back right away.
• The changes you’re ready to make today are exactly what you need right now–and that’s enough through Yeshua’s guidance.
• Eventually, the changes will add up, and you’ll have an entirely different set of habits that support healthier relationships in the Lord.

We’ve all had that moment in a relationship where it hits us: Wait, I’ve been here before... That sinking feeling of déjà vu, or I’ve been around this mountain before realizing you’re caught in the same relationship pattern just with a different person. That is right back to the codependent ways you walked away from before but here you are right back, What? Lord Help Me!

It’s not like we intentionally repeat these choices; instead, it’s more about how we unknowingly perpetuate deeply ingrained relationship habits that pull us back into the same cycles. From our family of origin and any destructive ways from other relationships.

Holding On to Fixed Narratives

“Bad” or unhelpful relationship habits often originate from beliefs and unresolved issues rooted in childhood. These experiences form the subconscious programming you tell yourself today, making it easy to see yourself through fixed lens.

Instead of getting stuck in that loop, try approaching your narrative with curiosity. By doing so, you open yourself to new perspectives and detach from your behaviors to see them as patterns not personal flaws to uncover meaningful insights. Through Yeshua’s scriptures, if we sit down and just read what He says we could learn so much.

For example, let’s say you’re typically drawn to partners who require constant support. Your usual story may focus on being a kind person, while the expanded interpretation highlights the deeper dynamic, perhaps the image of identifying as the “good” person. Letting go of the story frees you from seeking validation from the wrong people, allowing you to connect with the part of you that craves a balanced relationship where you aren’t always caretaking codependently. Getting our validation from Yeshua only, I have noticed doing that gives me confidence in myself but especially in Christ to guide me with my words.

Masking Your True Feelings

In my relationship coaching I’ve started a big theme is teaching women tools to regulate their emotions so they can express insecurities, hurt, pain, anger, and sadness without sweeping them under the rug. 

When you’re in dysregulated emotional state, unhealthy habits surface. If you do it long enough, these habits become automatic. Some of these habits include dissociating, people pleasing, avoiding vulnerability, suppressing needs, and wearing a mask to deny who you are. While these behaviors provide temporary comfort, they also create a barrier to genuine connection. Over time, you may ignore red flags and attract people who have similar blocked emotional states.

But when you’re grounded and emotionally regulated, you’re able to make better relationship habits. You find the courage to speak the difficult yet essential truth. You learn to communicate directly. To start, practice being with your emotions as they come up. Notice where they’re located in your body and take the time to breathe and sit with them. Sit with Yeshua/Jesus by the river or in the woods. To sit and look and breathe His creation helps a lot. This act fosters emotional resilience, leading you to deeper intimacy with yourself and others.

Dwelling on Past Behaviors

When you’re in the midst of updating your self-concept, you’re peeling back layers of who you once were. It can be cringy, painful, and downright shameful to look at old behaviors. Oof, I can’t believe I did that. I really hurt that person. I didn’t respect myself back then. I wonder if people have judged me for my past actions when I didn’t know better. 

It’s easy to beat yourself up. Please don’t. Studies show that self-compassion has consistently been linked to positive outcomes for mental health and well-being. Compassion has the capacity to extend forgiveness to all versions of yourself. Compassion recognizes your intrinsic worth beyond actions and past experiences. Compassion enables you to pick yourself back up and keep going.

By seeing yourself with grace, you create an internal safe space where you can grow. You can love your shadow and feel unconditional love, When you have your own back, with Yeshua holding you up you’ll feel braver to take the risk to do the more scary, vulnerable action that’ll yield healthier outcomes in the most Awesome ways.

Rushing Change

We’ve all been sold the myth of instant transformation. We set massive resolutions for New Year’s to reinvent ourselves overnight. We glamorize life-changing makeovers in the space of a one-hour TV show.

True change happens slowly, through a process called life transformation in Christ. Yeshua heals us slowly and changes us more like Him every day, once we give Him all of us.

How to Heal

Let me get into the arena and share how I’ve applied this approach in my personal life. I have a very unhealthy relationship habit of taking responsibility for other people’s feelings when they’re upset. A lot of this comes from being made to feel like things were my fault when I was growing up. It’s been a slow (and still ongoing) process, but I’m learning to: 

• Pause and check in with my body when I notice discomfort or tension
• Identify and sit with uncomfortable emotions instead of pushing them aside via distraction
• Slow down to not assume responsibility, and notice when I’m people-pleasing
• Express my feelings about what’s going on even when it feels vulnerable or awkward 
• Trust others to share their perspective without assuming how they feel
• Trust others to be able to handle their own emotions
• Give myself permission to do what feels manageable at the moment
• Honor my boundaries by recognizing when I’ve reached my limit and allowing time for recovery and detachment with my Lord.

Sure, I don’t always get it right. But I don’t need to land every action perfectly anymore. Being OK with making mistakes is growth! Being focused on self-acceptance versus self-improvement has made all the difference. When I spend time with Father God it really calms my heart and mind.

 

 

 

                        EVENTS

I have no Book Signings scheduled for now. I have my books locally at Books and Brush Bookstore.

1. I’m teaching at the Centralia Community   College for the Fall Quarter.

If you’re interested sign up to the class on the college website.

These classes will be on How to Make Shower Scrubs, and my other class is on How to Make Massage Oils of your own.

              HOW TO FIND ME

I will let you know when more book signings are going on. I can be found on Spotify, my podcast (bibletruthwarriorwomen.com)

also, on Riverside. FM, my Blog called (bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com)

My news articles can be found on carmenhansen.substack.com

Life Coaching take a look on my blog, to schedule an appointment with me call me at 360-880-4217 or on my email at writercarmenhansen@bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com

You can find me on (christianfaithpublishing.com), on my Author page to buy my book or read my Press Release.

My book is available for purchase on Amazon, I tunes, eBooks, Barnes and Noble and in Chehalis at Book and Brush Bookstore.

            MY SOCIAL MEDIA SITES

Facebook, Instagram, Telegram and Linked in, Riverside.fm.

Find me as Carmen Hansen or Carmella.

              BIBLE TEACHING CLASSES

Please Check them out. They have helped me get through this process of stepping out and being bold in Christ. I enjoy Women of Faith classes, Proverb 31 Women writing classes.

            LIST OF MY BUSINESSES

1. Carmen’s Visual Effects store #1 and #2 on my Blog at (bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com) I make all kinds of body products such as body butters, massage oils, body scrubs, lip and cuticle butter with mango butter etc.

There is a way to buy my body products online or call me to buy. Take a look if you’d like. It’s always good to care for yourself.

• You can find my Artwork in card form on my Blog called (bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com)
• I take photos of Nature and Animals. I’ve been doing this business for a long time now. I am a Birder.
•  I am a Certified Life Coach. Bible Truth Warrior Women Life Coaching. Call me on 360-880-4217 or on my email at writercarmenhansen@bibletruthwarriordevotionals.com).

My first book published is called:

• Bible Truth Warrior Daughter in Christ. I am selling my book independently.

I am praying for you all! Thank you for subscribing to my news journal. I hope that it will encourage you to know you’re not alone.