I don’t know about you but lately I’ve been feeling a little out of sorts. My emotions have been all over the place. I was taught to never show my emotions to anyone by my family of origin. They taught me to never be upset and if I was upset something wrong with me. And I didn’t deserve to get a hug nor get any love until I straightened up.

I think back as a small child and realized I didn’t get to share my feelings. I was told how to feel and act, the way my family saw things were correct but the way I saw things were stupid and ridicules. So, I just tried to get along and do everything they said I should be like.

Once I got older, about preteen, I started to have more hormones and I rebelled. I sassed my mother, and she couldn’t codependently control me anymore. Oh, but she kept trying. We didn’t see things the same at all. It frustrated her to not have control over my words I said nor my thoughts.

Later on, when I became a teenager my mother and I didn’t get along It became more destructive. She never could figure me out. She really didn’t try that hard. All she had to do is sit with me and ask me questions about how I thought about things in life. And give me a hug sometimes would have been nice.

Now as I’m an adult woman my emotions have gotten better. Not always though I was excepting Christ would change the way I thought. I realized not long ago that the way I think is a strength. I can see people’s hearts not so much their physical appearance. I do believe God gave me that ability as a young child. And that would frustrate my family badly. They always wanted to talk about people that looked awful and didn’t think like they did about different things in life.

I feel so blessed that Yeshua taught me the way I think is one of my strengths. That I have the ability to love people just as they are and see the good deep inside of them and if they don’t have good and even if they are fooling others. I know what Yeshua says in His word that is His discernment. Gosh! I never thought I was good until Yeshua showed me this ability I was blessed with. Praise God for that.

Here I am again in my house feeling alone and actually physically alone. I have talked to a few friends and that helped. Everyone is so busy this summer with their friends and families. I do think that’s wonderful. I want to go out on a boat or in my kayak, and I could but the heat gets to me. Most people just don’t understand and really just don’t care.

My friends who are single they think being married you wouldn’t feel alone but that’s just not true. Yes, to have a husband that can fix cars sometimes and some other things around the house. I know how to fix things around the house. Just not the roof and not the cars. But I can save up and hire someone to fix things around here. My Yeshua/Jesus wants me to not go over my husband’s head. So, I won’t because I want to be obedient to my Savior. There are days when I’d like to just get things done. And not halfway and never get back to it, whatever it is to fix. It bugs me when things rarely ever get finished around here. And tools lay around for months and even years sometimes.

I know I’m complaining. About being alone and feeling alone. Is something I’ve dealt with my whole life. I know I’m not alone I have Yeshua/Jesus, right? I’m a woman that needs attention by my husband sometimes and to go out and play sometimes. Well, more than every few years. If even that. Do you know what I mean ladies? Don’t get me wrong I do go do things for just me every once in a while.

So, the life of aloneness is just part of living here on this earth. Only unless you can reach out to Yeshua/Jesus. Worship Him with your life and the deep loneliness you feel. Yeshua will be there, remember He promised He would never leave you alone. Even if you feel it right now, it’s not true. The truth is Yeshua is right next to you smiling and saying my daughter I love you with an everlasting kind of love, agape love. He will love us forever and ever.

Listen to the most recent episode of my podcast: EP 54 SPIRITUAL WARFARE WEDNESDAY ON 10 WOMEN OF THE BIBLE THAT INSPIRE ME https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/carmen-hansen/episodes/EP-54-SPIRITUAL-WARFARE-WEDNESDAY-ON-10-WOMEN-OF-THE-BIBLE-THAT-INSPIRE-ME-e2lsq3u

Well, here I am in my house trying to get things done around here. And trying to keep up with my podcasts and news articles and etc. I have done some things outside. I moved some of my potted plants around, I washed my old car, we call the rolling moldy turd. You know from R.V. the movie with Robin Williams?!

I know some of you may not have watched that movie, if not look it up on social media outlets. It will make you laugh even when you don’t feel like laughing. I’ve been cleaning up my closets, all cabinets, drawers and etc. I have been organizing but mostly just getting rid of so much junk. Taking some things to the thrift stores and also to the dump. Like I said so much junk around, stuffed everywhere. I don’t if you know what I mean.

So, here I am trying not to get way to hot from our weather we’re having. The weather people are saying it’s a heat way crossing our area. When I go outside when it’s super-hot, I start to swell, my hands, arms and shoulders mostly. I do think it’s part of what I did all my life. Cutting and coloring and etc. In the beauty business for way to many years. It could be the chemicals i was around too. The doctors have said that’s why my tissue swells. Maybe that’s true I really don’t know for sure but I’m trusting Yeshua will and has healed me. I’m looking forward to a new body with Yeshua someday. I’m sure you all feel the same way, don’t you?